DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having one-night stands with a man from work and have become obsessed him, though sex is actually better with my husband.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have two children.
I’ve been getting it on with someone in the office every now and again[/caption]
We were delighted when our son was born and I became a stay-at-home mum. He is now nine.
We had our daughter two years later and I realised I would have to go back to work to maintain our lifestyle, which I resented.
I am 34 and my husband is 37. He loves his job but it is not well paid.
I progressed quickly career-wise and soon earned double my husband’s salary.
We had been flirting in the office despite both of us being married[/caption]
I threw myself into work and when my boss left, I got his job. It was big step up and I felt brilliant.
A new guy, who’s 29, came to fill my old job. I spent a lot of time helping him and we got to know each other.
There was a bit of flirting but I had never looked at another man until then.
One afternoon we were trying to work out the details of a very complicated contract.
The thing is, the sex isn’t even all that, but there’s something drawing me to him[/caption]
When we finally finished, we laughed and hugged each other.
Before I knew it, we were having sex on the office floor.
The sex wasn’t brilliant and he made it clear things would go no further.
He is married with children. He is known as a serial cheat but I became obsessed with him.
We still have one-night stands.
I know he is using me but I have fallen heavily for him. I want us to have a proper affair but I know it won’t happen and I’d end up hurt.
My husband and I are only together for the sake of the children. He still loves me but I am scared to leave.
I feel like we are destined to have a sexless marriage, though neither of us wants this.
We only have sex about three times a year but when we do it is great, much better than with my fling.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your affair may be a subconscious way of punishing your husband because his low pay meant you could no longer be a stay-at-home mum.
Your marriage may have lost some oomph but you have stability with your husband. You know there is no future in your fling and he is using you.
If you carry on your fling, you will destroy your self-esteem and punishing yourself too.
You may even lose your marriage – and what would that do to your children?
My e-leaflet on Addictive Love will help you see how destructive this is and why you may have become ensnared.
Tell your colleague it is over and avoid any situation where you could end up having sex.
You’ll feel so much better about yourself, especially if you put fresh effort into your marriage.
Agree with your husband you’ll set aside one evening a week when you get the children to bed early, relax together and enjoy that high-quality sex.
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